In a moment of things crumbing down, where I just felt like a person who is in the way, I broke enough to find a bit more clarity. It’s a sad and sick thing that I have to break to find the truth of where things lay. You see there are people that people love to love. They matter the most and people want to make them happy. Then there are people who are just noise. Yes, they matter but more in the way many CEO’s view the minimum wage workers of their company’s. They appease them to an extent but they will not go out of their way to help them nor really care how they feel about anything. The CEO just needs them to shut up and do their job.
I am a worker. I have worked hard at whatever I have done my entire life. It was a requirement to survive as a child. Then it was a necessity to provide for the children I have as a parent. It’s expected but really not appreciated. Reality is that after working a 40 hour week my kids would rather step over me as I’m cleaning up the floor on their way to get a snack in the middle of whatever they are doing than really help out. I can get upset. I can talk about it. I can yell. I can reason with them. I can cry. But then I’m just a crazy bitch that makes things worse at home.
My kids are 19 and 14. Don’t get me wrong. They will empty the dishwasher on certain days, do their own laundry (now that I refuse), kind of clean up some things on some days, but they don’t do their chores like they used to. So I have to settle for what I get anymore. They have school. My daughter is in college 2 days a week (not the full day) and works maybe 16- 20 hours a week. We still pay for everything, the cell phone to rent. Conversations about helping with costs are promises for the future. I’m the parent that just sounds like a crazy bitch because I point it out.
Same type of things happens at work. You have the same people that screw up and do the least amount of work possible. These people will watch the few that work their butts off making the “team” a success. If you point it out to them, they will emotionally fold and you are rude or hurt their feelings. People like to make you feel like crap for not doing more work than they are. But, it’s expected from your boss that YOU do because that is who you are, not them.
So the clarity that came was there are certain conversations I can’t have anymore. I can’t have the same arguments about getting help around the house and then feel like I’m the one everyone wants to tiptoe around or leave. Shut my mouth at work about the people who always seem to float by. I can’t talk to my parents or sister about certain things. I won’t talk to people about my parents or sister. I am not going to talk to my daughter about her bio-logical father and money issues anymore.
I just need to remember that all my life, I have been the worker, not the person anyone has been invested in. Cinderella is a nice story. However, I imagine that if something happened in that kingdom and the servants left they would expect her to do the work as the rest of them wouldn’t have a clue where to start. Cinderella knows how and was used to it after all. The Prince would help with somethings but he wouldn’t expect other’s in the kingdom to know what to do either.
I’m exhausted. I guess then I need to put my energy to where it matters or will actually be useful.