Gifts Given In Lyrics and Song – RIP Chester Bennington

I grew up listening up to Chris Cornell both when he was in Temple of the Dog and Sound Garden. He was amazing and his voice so unique. When I read he died by taking his own life, I was both shocked and sad. I was aware of the loss the music world had just experienced. My heart was moved for his family whose world would forever be pained by his exit of this world.

Yesterday, I read that Chester Bennington, the lead singer of Linkin Park, was found dead by an apparent suicide and didn’t want to believe it. I seriously thought it was a sick joke or fake news. I decided to go to other “real news” websites before I would believe it. I was in a strange sort of shock and I found myself holding back tears.

Why? Why am I having such a hard time with Chester’s death? It’s not like I knew him. When Chris Cornell died I was accepting of this death and although sad, I was not that emotional. They both died exactly the same way. Both leave children, widows, fans, bandmates and music that is so moving. Yet, I couldn’t help but lie in bed last night and think about Chester’s life and death.

It hit me this morning that I am actually grieving this loss. The reason why I believe is because I have personally been able to identify or see myself in Chester’s/Linkin Park’s music. Chester and I are the same age (just months off). He, along with a very short list of musicians, were able to do something that even loved ones in my life could not do; make me feel not so alone. Chester was able to put into words and add in the EMOTION behind them, what I always needed or wanted to say. He gave my messy life some definition and made it somewhat acceptable.

You see, it’s not normal to have your mom not love you. It’s not common to pretty much walk away from your parents after trying to make things work but realizing that the only way is if they can control you. People in our society look down on you like you are a bad person. Others can’t even understand what that would be like. It’s a solitude that cannot be explained but somehow their music did. All the emotions of anger, desperation, sadness and so more are expressed in not just the lyrics but in how they are sung. So below are just a few that captured my soul and helped me cope at times. The last one I think is what we all desire…. To be remembered for the good we are/did, not all the bad that some still hold against us.

RIP Chester and thank you for giving me and others the words and voice we needed.

I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me,
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?
‘Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take.

[Writer(s): Mike Shinoda, Joseph Hahn, Chester Charles Bennington, Brad Delson, Dave Farrell, Robert G. Bourdon ; AZLyrics L Linkin Park Lyrics ;”Meteora” (2003)]

“Somewhere I Belong”
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain ’til it’s gone)
I wanna heal; I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything ’til I break away from me
I will break away, I’ll find myself today

[Writer(s): Dave Farrell, Brad Delson, Mike Shinoda, Joseph Hahn, Chester Charles Bennington, G. Bourdon Robert; AZLyrics L Linkin Park Lyrics; “Meteora” (2003)]

“Lost In The Echo”
In these promises broken
Deep below
Each word gets lost in the echo
So one last lie I can see through
This time I finally let you
Go, go, go.

[Writer(s): Brad Delson, Dave Farrell, Robert G. Bourdon, Chester Charles Bennington, Mike Shinoda, Joseph Hahn; AZLyrics L Linkin Park Lyrics; “Living Things” (2012)]

“Leave Out All The Rest”
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
‘Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I’m done here?

So if you’re asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don’t be afraid
I’ve taken my beating
I’ve shared what I’ve made
I’m strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I’ve never been perfect
But neither have you

[Writer(s): Joseph Hahn, Brad Delson, Robert G. Bourdon, Mike Shinoda, Dave Farrell, Chester Charles Bennington; AZLyrics L Linkin Park Lyrics; “Minutes To Midnight” (2007)]

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I'm turning 40 in April 2017... So much seems to have happened and changed. I guess I am feeling I should have it figured out by 40, but does anyone every really have it all figured out?

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