If / When I Die

If I die, who would show?

Would it be out of obligation from the past, guilt, or because you would just want others to know?

If I die, how would the two that brought me into this world respond?

Would they steal the show? Would they pretend I meant so much even though everything was so wrong?

If I die, I imagine it would become all about them.

They would try to make the day harder for my children and my love they would offend.

If I die, does this horrible feeling just end?

The last thing I want to do is give it away or pass it on to another to contend.

That is why I fight every damn day.

I’d rather deal with the devil than make another person pay.

In case I lose the battle and I am beaten in this fight.

I feel I need to have a written will and want to say this right.

When I die, thank you for coming; I hope part of you might have really cared.

It’s too bad that you did not take the time or maybe tried harder and shared.

When I die, I say to those that brought me up and gave me life,

It’s too bad you couldn’t be around to see how much I loved being a mom and wife.

None of you have earned the right to steal any claim to cry.

You choose to treat me the way you did and we’ve already said a formal goodbye.

My children and my husband are all that is left and I’m sorry for what they’ve been thru.

You will take a backseat to their grief.

Because when I die, most likely I lost this battle without any help from anyone of you.


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I'm turning 40 in April 2017... So much seems to have happened and changed. I guess I am feeling I should have it figured out by 40, but does anyone every really have it all figured out?

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