My Prison Without Walls

Above the clouds high in the sky I can breathe deep
I feel weightless and there is some clarity of who I am
I am free from the voices that make me want to weep
I was able to enjoy myself, be goofy and not give a damn

But here we go back and the plane is on its descent
We drop below the clouds and the air changes around me
My mind merges times by mixing the past and present
There is a pollution and the toxins is only I can see

I want to remain in my seat and not leave the plane
It won’t stay here as there is another destination in line
If I refuse to leave will they understand or think I’m insane
I know that I will force myself to do what I must when it’s time

It’s like I got a furlough from my prison, my personal hell
To break completely free is not possible as I’m tethered by love
I just put my head down and some days I actually do well
Knowing no one will give me good time or forgive me from above

Is this sentence a life terms or will it have an actual end
I don’t even really know what crime I committed when I was so small
I just know that my family has appointed themselves warden
My prison is the area I called home with mountains so tall

Am I naïve to think freedom is possible if I actually move away
The air was much sweeter in another state and sleep came with ease
Was it just a vacation with enough time to rest and play
Or because I didn’t feel there was anyone to let down or please

Maybe it’s not the air that is harder to take in
But rather the realization that I need to leave this place
There is hope that I will have a new place someday it’s a matter of when
Complete some things here and find a new healthy space

  • Photo credit – Laurence Demaison, Meditations, 2013

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I'm turning 40 in April 2017... So much seems to have happened and changed. I guess I am feeling I should have it figured out by 40, but does anyone every really have it all figured out?

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